NEW POST..

I haven't disappeared or anything, I've just been busy. Life has been one huge roller coaster over the last couple of months. I will say that I have taken many things for granted that I no longer do. Family gatherings mean the world to me, they always have been a key component to my existence; but suddenly they have taken on new meaning in my eyes. My sarcasm and wit seem to be faltering but I am- still me. I've had a lot of time to assess my forth and short comings. I've learned that my relationships with people are crucial. I've learned that I am not fearless nor am I invincible.

Sometimes I ponder the idea of writing a novel, but who would read it?

I took the time to take an IQ test to gage and assess just how smart I really am. It turns out that I am no genius nor am I a nincompoop, I know! Who knew that it was spelled that way, right?! (PS- I'm above average, in case you were wondering.)

A story--

Two weeks ago, I borrowed my mother's car. I was beyond excited to connect my ipod to her sound system. I was using it quite often and left it in the car. We live in Brooklyn, so of course the doors are always locked after leaving it. Anyway, I returned the car to her and had a feeling that I'd be borrowing it again soon, so I left all of my crap in it. One night, I was visiting my parents. When I was ready to leave, my mother offered to drive me home. I took her up on the offer. We walked out to the car and I pulled on the door handle to open the door. I am that person who never gives the driver enough time to unlock the door before trying to open it. The driver usually rolls their eyes at me, and says something like "gimme a sec, gosh" Except this time, the door opened without a fuss. Right away I knew that I was doomed. The car had been ransacked. The glove compartment was hanging open and the hump was raised. My heart dropped. I didn't even have to look, I knew that my ipod was gone. The white USB cord limply dangled from the hump.Suddenly I felt ill.

My ipod means the world to me. I get very attached to my electronic devices. The dumb ipod was a good 6 years old. Everyone made fun of it when I whipped it out. But that's just me. When I am attached to something, I find no reason to upgrade it unless it is absolutely necessary. I loved the vintage feel of it. My list of playlists was enormous. Each list had a story. I carefully hand picked each song and named the list accordingly. My lists defined me. I could understand how people would have a hard time understanding my strife. Who cares, right? It's so silly. Wrong. Those playlists were the soundtrack of my life. My walking diary. The last six or seven years of my life. Gone forever, stolen by a petty thief who was probably disappointed with his spoils. Maybe he made fifty bucks off of it, if even. For all I know he dumped it in the nearest trash can (unless of course, he was a fan of indie obscure music, classic oldies and BRIGHT EYES) DOUBTFUL. I know I seem sexist but my mind tells me it was a male who committed this crime, sorry folks. So yeah. My computer wasn't backed up with my playlists because it had crashed about a year ago and had to be reconfigured. Therefore, they were gone, just like that. One dark friday night in a driveway, one car whose door was left unlocked.. "I'll buy you a new one Rach, I'm sorry" my mother said. I explained to her that I didn't want a new one and she kinda knew that it wasn't the issue. I thanked her of course, she's so cute.

I wish I ripped my lists, but I didn't and I will always feel badly about that.

Recently I got a new computer. A part of me misses my old one that was on its last leg. Again, my devices are like my babies, okay, I'm weird, we know this. I unwrapped the new ipod that had been accumulating dust since the summer in my drawer after winning it in an auction. Everything is new and I am SO LUCKY to have these replacements, things could be a lot worse... but, I will forever miss my babies.

One thing remains the same with me. I do not fair well with goodbyes.

TWO THINGS...

1) I'm completely, totally and utterly jealous of TAYLOR SWIFT. Not only is she gorgeous, talented and sweet, she also has landed one of he cutest guys around!!!! I love JAKE GYLLENHAAL! I think he is adorable and insanely talented as an actor. After seeing him in PROOF with GWYNETH PALTROW, I almost melted when he took his shirt off with one hand. You know that move I'm talking about right?? Like the guy uses his arm over the back of his neck and lifts it off?? So cute.




2) Is anyone as obsessed with the latest TARGET commercials as I am? The one with the type A blonde girl "training" for BLACK FRIDAY and the HOLIDAY SEASON? I havent laughed so hard at a commercial in a while. This chick is hilarious. Love when she stares at herself in the mirror and sikes herself out saying "YOU WILL WIN THIS" The outside clips are ridiculous! Omg, priceless. Whoever is handling the marketing and advertising for TARGET, keep up the good work! My kind of humor for sure!!



I LOVE THIS!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Just a little TG love for y'all. We made these... How adorable?!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

OH, HEY!

It seems that blogs are the new rage lately. In my world, they have always been. I am glad to see that people are starting to dig into their literary souls! Congrats to my friends E and J on starting their very own blogs. I noticed that J refers to people/friends in letter form, like yours truly... Keep it up guys!

This week was definitely interesting. Turns out that I'm a damn good sales woman, holler! I made the biggest sale of my life yesterday and I can easily say that it felt AMAZING!!! Now, normally I would've called every person I knew to tell them, but I didn't. I didn't have that urge. Just knowing that I could do it felt great so I left it at that. Then again, I am writing it on here so... Again, I digress.


I find that lately, sitting in traffic gets on my nerves a little more than usual. Lord knows what's in store for me. The holiday season is just beginning and already I find myself cursing out other drivers on the road and complaining to to cab drivers that "This traffic is INSANE" They never answer, they just keep talking on their cell phones unfazed by my antsy-ness.


Speaking of cab drivers, while in a cab the other night, my driver, was on his cell phone. Let's face it- even though it is against the law for cab drivers to be on the phone even with an ear piece, they are always on their phones. Okay, so back to my story, a cop car puts his bloopy sounding semi siren on ( btw, what is that odd sound? like an under water burp dolphin burp?) and says "Why are you on your phone?" My cabby in broken english just says "I,I,I, sorry sir sooo soo sorry" Cops says "But WHY are you on your phone?" staring him down. The same 3 lines were said 3 more times. I was about to shout at the cop and say "Make up your mind already, are we getting pulled over, or what? We have established that he was on his phone, now what? I'm going to be late" (what? I had somewhere to go?!) when suddenly I sat up and glanced over at the cop and he was the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. He caught me staring at him, we locked eyes. He smiled back and let us go.. Oh well, the one that got away. No pun intended. Of course I did what any shameless girl would do. I checked Missed Connections for a marriage proposal from this said cop. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't there. I know, right?? Oh well..

Have I mentioned lately how much I adore my sisters and my family? Good, because I'm just here to say it again. I learn so much from each and everyone of them, including S the youngest of them all. I don't mention my sister in law because she is my sister, obvs. Gosh, I'm so lucky.

I really miss N, I wish she didn't have to move. I'm siked for her though. I know she's going to be huge in the music world.

I will leave you all with this--

“Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.”

- Victor Hugo

IMAGINE...

Tomorrow is my birthday. Not a huge birthday person. I'm thankful to be alive though, I take none of it for granted. I'm just usually melancholy on my date of birth. Okay, next.

Last night I watched THE KILLING OF JOHN LENNON. It might've been the most harrowing movie I've seen in a while. Chapman is portrayed as a total nut bag. The style in which the film was shot just added to the chill factor. I am so affected by this movie it is insane. I missed the first forty minutes though, which kinda stunk. Chapman at one point says "I was nobody until I killed the biggest somebody on earth" Now, if that doesn't make you shudder.... What will? What made the movie so chilling was the fact that it was shot in the style of a documentary. At times, I found myself wondering if the film indeed was a documentary. "Chapman" narrates throughout the film, giving the viewer a feeling of being inside this mans actual mind. His voice is monotone and eerie. His obsession with the book THE CATCHER IN THE RYE, is a key component to Chapman's motive. He was obsessed with the story's protagonist HOLDEN CAULFIELD, so obsessed that at certain times, he would refer to himself as HOLDEN (freaky, I know). Chapman resented Lennon for his "phoniness" as well. The film is a direct re-enactment of Chapman's account of the weeks leading up to the murder and following the murder, using court documents, Chapman's confession and police accounts. Visually, the film takes you to all the places in New York that he visited. The scenes in front of THE DAKOTA building freaked me out, along with the hotel room scenes. The part that got the most was the fact that just hours before the killing, Chapman got Lennon to autograph his copy of Lennon's new album DOUBLE FANTASY outside of his building. WHOA.

I don't want to give it all away, but I will say this, THE CATCHER IN THE RYE is one of my most favorite books in the whole wide world. Today I have a very strange feeling towards the book. Hopefully, I can get over it soon. Of all books!!! If you want to really learn about Lennon's murder and learn about his killer, I highly recommend this film. As disturbing as it is, it is very informative and gripping.

Of course there are other theories surrounding Lennon's death. There have been for 30 years, this is nothing new. Some believe Chapman was "put up to it", but you already knew that.

It's a shame that LENNON is gone. I love his work. He was so talented. I feel pain for his sons and his widow. At the end of the day, their father/husband was murdered in cold blood. How does anyone go on living after witnessing such a terrible thing? The world might've lost an iconic figure and artist, but his family lost their nucleus.

Chapman was sentenced 20 years to life and has since been denied parole 6 times.

BLUE NOTE...

Today, we lost a great man. Earlier this morning I was shocked to hear that my old teacher Lonny Benamy (a'h) had passed away. Upon hearing the news, my body immediately felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach. Immediately I was overcome with sadness, regret and devastation. Aside from losing my grandma 10 years ago, thankfully I'd never really lost anyone remotely close to me. This was a sad second.

Lonny was my 9th grade biology teacher in high school. From the very first day of class, I liked him. He stood out from the rest of the teachers. He had a larger than life way about him. He was extremely educated which made me feel privileged to be in his class. He was real. As a child I loved science. I always wanted to be a nurse. Lonny's class was something I looked forward to. He was the type of person who knew everything about everything, yet he took the time to indulge us with our questions and allowed us to challenge a point. He listened and encouraged us to be inquisitive. His dry humor always made us laugh in class. He was the school nurse. He was the disciplinarian. He had office hours for late note excuses, cut clearing, gum chewing fines, untucked shirts and anything else you could think of. His office during lunch time was a mad house. Lonny was a HUGE figure in high school. You didn't want to mess with him either.

I can say without any hesitancy that he liked me, for whatever strange reason! When he wasn't in the mood to joke around you knew it. One time I called out something silly and nonsensical in class, normally he'd laugh or roll his eyes; if you were lucky he'd come up with a one liner that shredded you in a harmless way, leaving the class rolling in laughter. However this time he wasn't in the mood. "R, go down to Mr. Meller" he said as he filled out the dreaded GREEN CARD. I was aghast. ME??? How could he get me in trouble?? See, that was the thing, with Lonny no one was above the law. I didn't care though. I still valued him and thought of him as one of my favorites. I forgave him even though he didn't ask for forgiveness. Right before I left school he asked to meet with me. I was confused. "What did he want to talk about? Did I do something wrong? Am I in
trouble?" all of that circulated in my head. It turned out that he just wanted to make sure that I was happy. We spoke about schools and continuing my education. He let me know that if I ever needed any help with applying and what not, he was there- he wanted to wish me well. My sisters A and S were still in school once I had left and every now and then he would ask them how I was and what I was up to. At that time, I was in culinary school. I couldnt believe that he cared. He had so many students. My friends' parents had him! He knew everyone, yet he cared about what I was up to and how I was holding up? I am sure that he was like that with many.

I remember after I left school it was a bit complicated getting all of my records together. Trying to get my transcript was a nightmare. One day I just went to the school and asked to pick it up. No one could really help me. I went to Lonny's class. He was in the middle of teaching. I knocked on the door, he came out and saw that I was frustrated. He told his class that he would be right back. He helped me as much as he could. He was just THAT type of person. He also kept to his word. If he said he would be somewhere, he'd be there. Anytime we invited him to a wedding or a charity event, he would come with a smile.

Setting all of that aside, he had a heart of gold. Lonny was there for me in school as a mentor, as an advisor and as a friend after I left school. Whenever I was in his presence I felt lucky to know him. He was a great listener. He never judged. He was the picture of good health. A few years ago, I had heard that Lonny became sick. The first emotion that hit me was shock. How on earth could someone like him get sick?? This man took such great care of himself. Well, I guess that was an immature thought because we all know that getting sick has nothing to do with that. He was just unlucky. As soon as I had heard I rushed to call him. It turned out that he was in a hospital in Brooklyn recovering from surgery. I remember baking him a band-aid cake and taking it to the hospital. I wanted to show him that I continued school after leaving and that I could make a crazy cake! When I walked into the room I expected to feel awkward or pressed for words. I should've known better! Lonny was in great spirits. He LOVED the cake and was so appreciative that I brought something with me. A few minutes into the visit, his childhood friend walked into the room, I felt like I should give them alone time and started to put my jacket on. He looked at me and said "Where are you going?" I said that I wanted to give them some privacy, he looked at me like I was crazy. "Sit down" he said, "Don't be silly". I did just that. Lonny introduced me to his friend and explained to him that I was a student of his a while ago. They started to share stories and I just listened in, amazed by their solid friendship. Next thing I knew, they were including me in the conversation! Again, I felt so lucky to know him.

He looked at his sickness as a little hurdle to overcome. He was not going to let it slow him down. He talked about his three kids and how proud he was of each and every one of them. He talked about his love of Cornell, which was nothing new! He talked about his travels- he loved to travel. He was a man with an agenda. He loved to be active. I couldn't help but feel sad seeing him like that in a hospital bed. I hoped that he would get better because a slow paced lifestyle wasn't for him. All he could talk about were his runs and walks in the park and how much he loved the outdoors and hiking. He wasn't worried, he was determined. We talked about going for lunch with my sisters once he got out of the hospital. He called to thank me for visiting and asked me for the recipe for the cake I baked. His mother loved it, he said. Thats was Lonny, he always was appreciative. He followed up.

My sister Dee and I went for lunch with him some time later. He was so happy to see her too. He wanted to know what she was up to. How her new baby was. I remember joking around, saying that it wasn't fair that Dee and my brother in law, both brown eyed people had a baby blue eyed child. We laughed about dominant and recessive genes, something he taught us in Biology class. We had such a nice time. We laughed a lot. He was so easy going. He looked great. He told us that he was feeling good. He refused to be told to take it easy. He was slowly building up his strength and was walking a ton in the park. He told us that he started out at a slow pace in small distances months earlier and that he had built his way up to jogging miles again. He was basically a walking miracle. He was so proud of his progress. We were amazed but not maybe surprised. Lonny was one of the strongest people I've ever come into contact with. If anyone was going to beat the odds, it was him and he did just that. With all of his strength I expected him to be guarded. To my surprise he was not. He was a person just like the rest of us. He was open about his treatments. He spared nothing. I respected him even more for that. In writing this, I am teary eyed. The thought of him being gone is surreal. I believed that he would out live us all. We spoke a few more times after that lunch. He came out to New Jersey for the day one time during the summer to hang with all of us. We made lunch by the house and took it easy. It was a great day. He spoke about his kids with such pride. His daughter was a writer and he was so proud of her. His sons were in school and he couldn't be any happier. He was in great spirits. He was better. I knew he would be. We all knew he'd beat it. In typical Lonny fashion, he called the next day to thank us and said that he had an amazing day. He always followed up.

When I found out that Lonny had passed, I was in disbelief. I had no idea that he was sick again. The last time I saw him he was doing well. Yes being sick took somewhat of a toll on him but he looked great. Immediately I rushed back to Brooklyn to attend the funeral. "This couldn't be" was all I said over and over to myself on the ride in. "How did I not know that he was
sick?" None of that mattered now. He was gone. Oddly, he had popped into my mind last week. I had made a mental note to call him. Sadly I never got to speak with him. I was told that his health took a turn for the worse and that it all happened relatively fast. I wish I knew. He lived in my neighborhood, whenever I drove by his house I thought of him. Just knowing that he lived nearby was nice.

Dee and I went to the funeral. It was too sad to describe. The speeches were special. Hearing his children speak was gut wrenching. They spoke beautifully and captured his essence. It just wasn't enough. I had so much to say. I wanted everyone to know how he affected so many lives. I wanted his kids to know just how special we thought he was. I wanted him to know that everything that I learned in his class stuck with me. I wanted him to know that it felt great dropping the term vestigial structures every now and then. I wanted him to know that Darwin's Finches still freak me out and that one day I'd make my way to Galapagos Island. I wanted him to know that I was glad to know him. I wanted him to know that I use the word "like" a lot less now. Unfortunately I cant tell him any of this. What I do know now, is that life is short. Today is what counts- not tomorrow. I feel lucky to have known him.

Lonny had a zest for life. He set the bar high and he overcame because he refused to let his sickness get the best of him. He lived life to its fullest. Which is what I intend to do.


May he rest in peace.

Lonny Benamy A"H.

ONCE....

I find myself to be a very perceptive human being. Sometimes this works in my favor, other times, not so much...
You see, sometimes I dont wanna see half the stuff I see. Sometimes I wish I were oblivious to my surroundings. I see the most random things and become scarred for life...

When I was 9, My mom left a bowl of warm milk out for a cat who was pregnant. She felt the need to feed it and take care of it in her own way on our back porch. The next evening, we heard wailing coming from the backyard. What I saw scarred me. This cat gave birth to her litter. The mother cat was all wet looking and strange looking. She almost looked as if she were electrocuted and possessed. Next to her was a pile of wet fur and nastiness. The mother ate her babies. The sight was gruesome. From that day on I was terrified of cats and kittens. If a mother could eat her own babies, I wanted nothing to do with her kind. Gross. Traumatizing. Heavy on the ewwww!!

When I was in London, years ago, a bum was camped out on a deserted street chugging a gallon of red wine solo at 11 AM. I was so uneasy with the sight. Instead of looking away, I found myself staring at him as we walked by him. Next thing you know, he uked all over himself and the sidewalk. The site made me gag. I didnt touch red wine for 4 years.

(Since, we are on scarring stories, lemme share this one with you.....

When I was little, I refused to eat the egg white part of hard boiled eggs. my mother told me that I couldnt just eat the yellow part (gross, I know) and that I had to eat the white part too. I ate it and thre my guts up. Til this day, I havent eaten a hard boiled egg white, nor have I eaten any kind of egg white on its own. I struggle with eggs as a whole as a matter of fact. So yeah... )


These things just present themselves in front of me. I notice everything. Well, mostly everything. I constantly find myself asking myself "WHY MEEEEE???

When I was in 7th grade, there was a rumor going around in school that there was a mouse on the loose. I am petrified of vermin. Like really scared. Low and behold, Im sitting in class with my head on the desk obsessed with the thought of the mouse, and the little Willard plops right off the soffit of the ceiling onto my desk. I can still hear the plopping noise when I think of it. I LOST MY MIND. like, really, lost it. I was frantic, It took the school nurse and guidance counselor 2 hrs. to calm me down.

I have a million more stories like this, but Ill spare you because Im sure you are now thoroughly grossed out. I just dont know why I am victimized by these random scenarios.

Do things like this happen to anyone else???